Who Am I????

Every once in a while, it is very interesting to pull yourself out of your body, mind and soul and look at  who you truly are as a person from an outsider’s perspective.

One great way to achieve this goal is to put yourself through a hardcore personality assessment test. As part of the Indian School of Business (ISB) Class of 2013, I was lucky enough to be able to get a complete personality profile assessment of myself. ISB paid lakhs of rupees to get this done for each student in order to help us realize our strengths and weaknesses so we can use that awareness to devise plans for our personal growth and become better leaders in the future. Thanks to this expensive and comprehensive initiative by ISB, I have a detailed NEO Personality Inventory of myself done by Paul T. Costa. Jr., PhD and Robert R. McCrae, PhD that tells me what makes me unique in my ways of thinking, feeling and interacting with others. It gives me an idea of how my personality can be described especially compared to other adults of my age and gender across the world.

So, for those of you, who are wondering or have ever wondered as to who I (Harneet Chawla) truly am, here is a summary of my NEO Personality Inventory in the words of Costa and McCrae:

Harneet Chawla

NEO-PI-3 Summary

The N Domain (Neuroticism)

Traits in the N domain reflect different ways of reacting emotionally to distressing circumstances. Low scorers are resilient, rarely experience negative emotions; high scorers often have strong emotional reactions. Overall, you are low in this factor. Specifically, you are calm, relaxed, and generally free of worry. You seldom feel frustrated, irritable, and angry at others and you have only the occasional periods of unhappiness that most people experience. Embarrassment or shyness when dealing with people, especially strangers, is not a problem for you. You report being poor at controlling your impulses and desires, but you are able to cope well with stress.

The E Domain (Extraversion)

The E domain measures traits related to energy and enthusiasm, especially when dealing with people. Low scores are serious and introverted; high scores are outgoing extraverts. Your total score puts you in the very high range on this factor. You are very warm and affectionate toward others and you usually enjoy large and noisy crowds or parties. You are forceful and dominant, preferring to be a group leader rather than a follower. You have a high level of energy and like to keep active and busy. Excitement, stimulation, and thrills have great appeal to you and you frequently experience strong feelings of happiness and joy.

The O Domain (Openness)

The facets of this domain measure responses to various kinds of experience. Low scores are down to earth and conventional; they prefer the familiar and the tried-and-true. High scores are imaginative and open-minded. You score in the very high range. Your responses suggest that you are generally open. You have a vivid imagination and an active fantasy life. You are particularly responsive to beauty as found in music, art, poetry, or nature, and your feelings and emotional reactions are varied and important to you. You enjoy new and different activities and high need for variety in life. You are interested in intellectual challenges and in unusual ideas and perspectives and you are generally liberal in your social, political, and moral beliefs.

The A Domain (Agreeableness)

This domain is concerned with styles of interpersonal interaction. Low scores are hard-headed and competitive; high scores compassionate and co-operative. Across the six facets in this domain, you score average. In particular, you easily trust others and usually assume the best about anyone you meet. You are very candid and sincere and would find it difficult to deceive or manipulate others, and you go out of your way to be thoughtful and helpful to others; you are quite generous. You hold your own in conflicts with others, but you are also willing to forgive and forget. You are quite proud of yourself and your accomplishments, and happy to take credit for them. Compared to other people, you are hard-headed and tough-minded, and your social and political attitudes reflect your pragmatic realism.

The C Domain (Conscientiousness)

Traits in this domain describe differences in motivation and persistence. Low scorers are easy going and not inclined to make plans or schedules. High scorers are conscientious and well organized. Compared to other adults your score falls in average range on this factor. You are rational, prudent, practical, resourceful, and well-prepared. You can be sloppy and disorganized, but you are highly conscientious, adhering strictly to your ethical principles. You have a high aspiration level and strive for excellence in whatever you do. You are determined, persistent, and able to force yourself to do what is necessary. You are occasionally hasty or impetuous and sometimes act without considering all the consequences.

Global Description of Your Personality

The most distinctive feature of this individual’s personality is her standing on the factor of Openness. Very high scores like her have a strong interest in experience for its own sake. They seek out novelty and variety, and have a marked preference for complexity. They have a heightened awareness of their own feelings and are perceptive in recognizing the emotions of others. They are very responsive to beauty in art and nature. Their attraction to new ideas and alternative value systems may make them especially tolerant of others, and may lead them to adopt unconventional attitudes. Peers rate such people as imaginative, daring, independent, and creative.

This person is very high in Extraversion. Such people greatly enjoy the company of others and the stimulation of social interaction. They prefer large parties and events to more intimate gatherings. They are often group leaders and take the responsibility for initiating group activities. They are typically forceful, energetic, and fast-paced in style, and cheerful and enthusiastic in mood. They like excitement. Those who know them would describe them as sociable, fun-loving, affectionate, and talkative.

Next, consider the individual’s level of Neuroticism. Individuals scoring in this range are emotionally well-adjusted and infrequently experience episodes of psychological distress. They are not sensitive or moody, and have few complaints about life. They feel secure and have a generally high level of self esteem. Friends and neighbors of such individuals might characterize them as calm and even-tempered in comparison with the average person.

This person is average in Conscientiousness. Women who score in this range have a normal level of need for achievement. They are able to set work/school aside in pursuit of pleasure or recreation. They are moderately well organized and fairly reliable, and have an average amount of self-discipline.

Finally, the individual scores in the average range in Agreeableness. People who score in this range are about as good-natured as the average person. They can be sympathetic, but can also be firm. They are trusting but not gullible, and ready to compete as well as to cooperate with others.

Stability of Profile

Given the individual’s age, some changes in personality are possible over the next few years. However, this profile is likely to be useful as a rough guide to the individual’s personality through adulthood.

Broad personality factors are pervasive influences on thoughts, feelings, and actions, and combinations of factors provide insight into major aspects of people’s lives, defining what can be called personality styles.

Styles of Well-Being

1.       Gloomy Pessimists
2.      Strongly Emotional
3.       Upbeat Optimists
4.       Low-Keyed

This individual is an upbeat optimist. Such individuals are usually cheerful because they are not unduly troubled by problems and they have a keen appreciation for life’s pleasures. When faced with frustration or disappointment, they may become angry or sad, but they quickly put these feelings behind them. They prefer to concentrate on the future, which they view with eager anticipation.

Styles of Defense

1.      Maladaptive
2.       Hypersensitive
3.      Adaptive
4.      Unconcerned

This individual is adaptive. Adaptive individuals are keenly aware of conflict, stress, and threat, but use these situations to stimulate creative adaptations. They grapple intellectually with their own intrapsychic problems and they may react to life stress as a source of humor or artistic inspiration.

Styles of Anger Control

1.      Temperamental
2.      Timid
3.      Easy-Going
4.      Cold-Blooded

This individual lies between being easy-going and cold-blooded. Easy-going individuals are slow to anger and reluctant to express it when it arises. They know when they have been insulted and may raise objections, but they would prefer to forgive and forget. They understand there are two sides to every issue and try to work towards a common ground in resolving disputes. On the other hand, cold-blooded individuals “don’t get mad, they get even.” They often take offense, but they are not overpowered by feelings of anger. Instead, they keep accounts and express their animosity at a time and in a way that suits them. They may seek revenge.

Styles of Impulse Control

1.      Undercontrolled
2.      Overcontrolled
3.      Directed
4.       Relaxed

This individual has a directed style of impulse control. Such individuals have a clear sense of their own goals and the ability to work towards them even under unfavorable conditions. They take setbacks and frustrations in stride, and they are able to tolerate unsatisfied needs without abandoning their plan of action.

Styles of Interests

1.      Mainstream Consumers
2.      Creative Interactors
3.      Homebodies
4.      Introspectors

This individual is a very high creative interactor. The interests of these individuals revolve around the new and different, and they like to share their discoveries with others. They enjoy public speaking and teaching, and they fit in well in discussion groups. They enjoy meeting people from different backgrounds.

Styles of Interactions

1.      Leaders
2.      Welcomers
3.      Competitors
4.      The Unassuming

The style of interaction of this individual is between a leader and a welcomer. Leaders enjoy social situations as an arena in which they can shine. They prefer giving orders versus taking them and believe they are particularly well-suited to making decisions. They may be boastful and vain, but they also know how to get people to work together. On the other hand, welcomers sincerely enjoy the company of others. They are deeply attached to their old friends and reach out freely to new ones. They are good-natured and sympathetic, willing to lend an ear and happy to chat about their own ideas. They are easy to get along with and popular.

Styles of Activity

1.      Fun-lovers
2.      Go-Getters
3.      Plodders
4.      The Lethargic

This individual is a go-getter. These individuals are productive and efficient and work with a rapid tempo. They know exactly what needs to be done and are eager to pitch in. They might design their own self-improvement program and follow it with zeal. They may seem pushy if they try to impose their style on others.

Styles of Attitudes

1.      Free-Thinkers
2.      Progressives
3.     Traditionalists
4.      Resolute Believers

This individual lies between being a free-thinker and a progressive. Free-thinkers are critical thinkers who are swayed neither by tradition nor by sentimentality. They consider all views, but then make their own judgments about right and wrong. They are willing to disregard others’ feelings to pursue their own idea of the truth. On the other hand, progressives are individuals who take a thoughtful approach to social problems and willing to try new solutions. They have faith in human nature and are confident that society can be improved through education, innovation, and co-operation. They believe in reason and being reasonable.

Styles of Learning

1.      Dreamers
2.      Good Students
3.      By-the-bookers
4.      Reluctant Scholars

This individual has a good student style of learning. Although these individuals are not necessarily more intelligent than others, they combine a real love of learning with the diligence and organization to excel. They have a high aspiration level and are often creative in their approach to solving problems. They are likely to go as far academically as their gifts allow.

Styles of Character

1.      Well-Intentioned
2.      Effective Altruists
3.      Self-Promoters
4.      Undistinguished

None of the descriptions is especially relevant to this individual. More data will be needed for further study.

So, that was a summary of my personality profile. I personally think that this assessment is bang on. There is nothing in this assessment that I would contest. Truly a real reflection of me! Thanks a bunch to ISB for getting us all such detailed studies of our own selves. I hope this will help you understand a little bit more about who I truly am as a person. Chao! :)

Happy Vaisakhi

Wishing all of you a Happy Vaisakhi from the last land of Guru Gobind Singh Ji - Sachkhand Shri Hazur Sahib, Nanded, Maharashtra. Hazur Sahib is looking fabulous on Vaisakhi and the langar menu today includes pooriyan, chhole, chawal and karhi. Yummmmm!!

Sachkhand Shri Hazur Sahib, Nanded, on the night before Vaisakhi 2012

For those of you who have never been to Hazur Sahib before, there is an elaborate half hour Laser Show that is played every night here at Nanded on a screen made out of huge water fountains. The entire show is very professional, technically advanced and reminds me of the laser show from Stone Mountain Park in Atlanta, GA. The entire presentation has been conceived by Dr. P.S. Pasricha, directed by Jasbir Singh Dham with Punjabi music and commentary by the Late ghazal singer, Jagjit Singh where as the Hindi music and commentary is by famous lyricist and singer, Gulzar. It is truly a marvel to watch.

The overall presentation starts with a dancing fountain introduction where Daler Mahendi sings in the appreciation of the completion of the 300 years of Khalsa. This is followed by the actual laser show that outlines the entire journey of the Sikh religion as it came to be through the ten gurus, starting from Guru Nanak Dev Ji all the way to Guru Gobind Singh Ji. It ends with the story of the last appearance of Guru Gobind Singh Ji at Nanded where he ordered all Sikhs to lead on their lives considering Guru Granth Sahib Ji as their eternal Guru and use the words in the Guru Granth Sahib as the final say on all things ~ 

"Sab sikhan ko hukam hai, Guru maneo Granth"

Here is a video of the dancing fountain intro that runs before the start of the amazing laser show. This is my special Vaisakhi treat for all of you and I hope you enjoy it.

Dancing Fountains @ Sachkhand Shri Hazur Sahib, Nanded

Vaisakhi is a day that reminds us of some of the very core values of Sikhism. The creation of Khalsa was not just a way to give a distinct identity to the Sikhs but underneath the idea, was the value to eliminate the caste system and establish a living example of true equality for all human beings. Vaisakhi reminds us of courage, sacrifice and bravery. It reminds us of the fight against subversion. From the perspective of being a harvest festival, Vaisakhi reminds us the importance of hard work and teaches us one of the biggest lessons of life - "What you sow is what you reap."

So, here's wishing all of you a Happy Vaisakhi. May God bless you with courage and bravery. May He put into you the wisdom of treating every human being equally regardless of gender, class, race, caste or creed. And I hope you learn from the Guru's words on how to work hard for an honest living  and sacrifice yourself for the benefit of our society and this world. 

The Best Alarm Clock

One of the hardest things to do for our generation is waking up early in the morning. Have you ever wondered how your parents can somehow be up, awake and active at 5 AM in the morning while you sleep yourself through noon and 20 alarm snoozes? This is definitely a question I have asked myself since years. I mean, seriously, did my parents forget to pass on the morning gene to me?

That's me about to snooze. Actually, I don't snooze. I just switch off. :o)

I have never been a morning person although the trend is changing quite a lot now and I have very high respect and appreciation for all morning people. They are usually always the ones who are more organized and no matter what the night owls claim, morning people are and always will be more productive than others. The simple reason is the fact that the normal world works the morning and sleeps the night. If you are a night owl, you may be able to do all your individual chores through the night but your productivity is zero when it comes to collaboration with others especially with those who belong to the normal world.  

In order to relieve the night owl-ers from their useless habits, I would like to recommend an alarm clock that has personally worked for me the best. I can no more complain that I didn’t hear it. I don’t dare to snooze it just out of due respect. And most importantly, it is the most peaceful way of waking up in the morning, a way that reminds me of the days when I was a kid and my parents would use the same alarm clock on a big classic radio to wake me up for school. The only thing changed between then and now is the technology being used for this alarm clock. I am talking of waking up to Live Gurbani Kirtan from Shri Harmandir Sahib.

In the old days, you needed a big complicated radio that you could set at a certain frequency at night along with the alarm time and the radio would wake you up to that channel in the morning. These radios were not easy to find. I am talking about the early 80’s here. I remember my parents getting one from the U.S. and it lasted us a good 10+ years before it gave up or perhaps we lost it during moving of houses. But now, it is easier, all you need is your MacBook and an internet connection and you can set up a Live Gurbani Kirtan from Shri Harminder Sahib as your wake up alarm from any part of the world. Here is how to do it in 5 simple and easy steps:

Step 1:

Download Audion from www.panic.com/audion

It is a Macintosh MP3 player/encoder

Step 2:

Go to http://sgpc.net:8000/ and click on ‘Listen’

This will open up your iTunes and start streaming live gurbani kirtan from Shri Harminder Sahib in an automatically generated playlist called ‘Internet Songs’

Step 3:

Change the name of the playlist from ‘Internet Songs’ to ‘Live Kirtan’ (out of respect, please, and without the single quotes)

Step 4:

Open your AppleScript Editor application. It’s easiest to find if you search for it using Spotlight, otherwise its typical path in a MAC is /Applications/Utilities. Type the following code in AppleScript Editor:

tell application "iTunes"

set this_playlist to playlist "Live Kirtan"

play this_playlist

end tell

Save this file somewhere on your computer. Let’s call it ‘Alarm’. Keep the file format as script.

Step 5:

Open your iCal application. Go to File>Create a new event. Once a new event is added in the calendar, click on the blue box and then click on Edit. Here, you can change the day and time at which you want to set your alarm. You can also name your New Event to whatever you want such as ‘Wake-up Alarm’. If you want to set the alarm to the same time every day, you can choose ‘every day’ from the repeat option. Then, under the alarm option, choose ‘Run Script’. It will ask you if you want to change the settings for just that day or for all occurrences (if you have chosen the every day repeat option). Choose based on whatever your situation is. This will allow you to then pick the AppleScript Editor file you saved earlier called 'Alarm' just under the ‘Run Script’ text as well as the no. of minutes before the event starts that you would like to run your script. I need at least 30 minutes to get out of bed, so I usually put ’30 minutes before’ in that option. Click on ‘Done’ and close iCal.

Your wake up alarm is now set. It will precisely run the script 30 minutes (or whatever you chose) before the start of the event that you created, automatically open your iTunes, go to the ‘Live Kirtan’ playlist and start streaming live gurbani from Shri Harminder Sahib. Easy and foolproof, isn’t it?

One tip for the wake up alarm is to choose the event start time x minutes later than you want to wake up. For example, if you want to wake up at 6 AM and want gurbani to play for half an hour before you think you will really be awake to get out of bed, set your event start time at 6:30 AM and under the alarm, choose ’30 minutes before’. This will start the kirtan at 6:00 AM and continue to play it until 6:30 AM unless of course you manually stop it in between.

So, set up your alarm clock and leave your Macbook on for the night as well as your internet. Even if the Macbook goes to power save mode, it will automatically wake up when the script runs in the morning. Alternately, you can go to System Preferences>Energy Saver>Schedule and set up your Mac to wake up 5 minutes before your alarm is supposed to wake you up i.e. 35 minutes before your event start time.

Do try it once. It’s better than trying to wake up to an ordinary alarm clock (which I know can be tough) and then switching on your TV to a kirtan channel (for which you have to be awake first) and of course works best if you don’t have a TV (say, in a dorm) or PTC channel that broadcasts it.

I hope this will give you some motivation to use Babaji’s words to help wake up in the morning. Since it is live and not a studio recorded kirtan CD, it really gives a fresh feeling, a feeling of presence, a feeling that you are actually waking up inside a gurudwara with path, kirtan, ardas and all morning prayer rituals happening right there in your room.

Benjamin Franklin once said, “There will be plenty of time to sleep when you are dead. Life is for living, so wake up and perform.” I hope my new alarm clock will help you to wake up, perform and live life to its fullest. Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji ki Fateh!

The Mooli Chors

It is one amazing experience living on a farm. The part that I enjoy the most about living in such an environment in addition to the openness, greenery, and lack of traffic and pollution is the fresh homegrown organic food. You can be rich as hell and have money loaded in your bank accounts, but if your lifestyle includes not being able to eat three good & fresh meals a day in peace, I believe everything you do in your life is absolutely meaningless. I am proud to be part of family that gives such great importance to these little but meaningful things of life. As a result, we have a special area in our house where we plant several vegetables, grains, legumes and herbs for our everyday kitchen needs. Based on the season, we plant and use fresh organic foods from our garden such as potatoes, carrots, onions, cilantro, cauliflower, radish, spinach, mustard, mint, green peas, black peas, corn, whole wheat, barley, bottle gourd, scallions, etc.

As the winter season started to say goodbye to north India, I was pretty excited about enjoying the last batch of winter vegetables before the summer seeds replace them. Just around this time (and this is just a couple of weeks ago), my family came across a very sensational piece of information. The moolis (radishes) in our farmhouse were constantly going missing. Every morning, the workers would inform us of an additional batch gone missing. For a good week, we kept wondering what was happening to the moolis. And the most intriguing fact was why just the moolis? I mean if someone was coming on to the farm to steal, why would he/she just steal moolis when there is acres of other amazing vegetables and grains. For the season, moolis weren’t really worth anything, so it’s not like they could take a bunch, go sell them and make lots of money on it either. So the question remained,” Why moolis? And who is this mooli chor (thief)?”

This sensational story was killing us. We were getting more and more worried about what was going on in our house. It wasn’t just the fact that the moolis were going missing but the whole thing was arising a big question mark on our personal safety and security in the house. We have a security staff and huge walls with spiked tentacles that would hurt any intruder trying to sneak in. So, who the hell was stealing from us and why? Perhaps, an insider? I decided that this mystery had to be solved and started keeping a special eye on the vegetable garden.

I became the team lead of a special crime branch called the VBI – Vegetable Bureau Investigation.  In order to increase my investigative set of eyes from 2 to 6, I recruited two top officers into my team, Shiro Chawla & Alvin Chawla. I asked my two officers to take an oath to help me find and bring these criminals to justice. They readily agreed.

 Officer Alvin Chawla(L), Officer Shiro Chawla(R) at the oath ceremony

The investigation started. We would frequently make trips to the area of the farmhouse where the stealing was happening and for days, kept a tab on the timings and the quantity of moolis that would go missing. But nothing was happening. We weren’t getting any clues except for the fact that the person stealing was pretty smart and knew his vegetables. He would pull out the moolis and if he found any one to be rotten or not good enough, he would leave them right there in the garden. He was collecting only the good stuff.

Frustrated from not being able to find the criminal, I thought of perhaps going an extra mile and do a DNA test on the moolis that were left behind. My officers agreed. At our meeting in the night, we completed all the paperwork and made plans to take one of the mooli samples to the DNA testing lab the next morning after which we would go to the VBI Data Analysis Unit and try to match it with the DNA records of all existing criminals in their database. It would be a foolproof plan and there was no way that the thief could hide any longer from us. The three of us adjourned the meeting happily and peaced out for the night.

In the middle of the night, I woke up to go to the bathroom. As soon as I was done doing my business, I just suddenly had this intuition and felt like checking up on the state of the mooli area. So, I quietly sneaked out towards the vegetable garden and to my astonishment, I saw a scene that surprised me more than anything else in the world ever has.

My top officer, Shiro Chawla, was slowly moving towards the vegetable garden. As he got closer, he smelled every area and made his way towards where the moolis were planted. Then, he started digging; with his nose and front feet. He was digging furiously. I kept a safe distance and hid myself in the dark so he would not be able to see me. He dug up three moolis before he found the one that he liked, the one that was perfectly long and round. With the perfect mooli in his mouth, he then started to walk back towards the lawn. That’s when it hit me. Holy crap! My top officer is ‘the chor’. Before I could wrap my head around what I was seeing, Officer Shiro Chawla made his way back to the lawn where my second top officer, Alvin Chawla (who is 5 years senior to Shiro Chawla), was sitting and waiting patiently for his piece of the pie. Officer Shiro Chawla happily came over and gave the mooli that he had so sincerely dug out to Officer Alvin Chawla. That is when I just lost it. Oh man, both my officers are the criminals I have been after all this time. All that trust I put in them!

Before I thought that it was all over, Officer Shiro went back to the vegetable garden and pulled out another nice mooli, this time for himself. Bringing it back with a sense of pride and achievement and all the dirt on his nose, he came and sat beside Officer Alvin Chawla. This was followed by a good 15 minute scene that included both the dogs biting and throwing off both the upper and lower ends (just like we do in the kitchen) of the mooli and enjoying the middle yumminess out of it.

At this point, the shock in my eyes from what I had just seen changed to a smile followed by bouts of laughter. "They actually know how to single out moolis amongst so many varieties of vegetables and also know which are the good edible ones?", I asked myself. Then I realized that I had totally forgotten that they are not dogs. They are human souls living in dogs’ bodies.

The next morning, I told my parents what I had seen. At first they did not believe me. Then, I decided to take Shiro to where the moolis were planted and tempted him with some tricks to recreate the entire scene. The entire house was under shock and laughter. We had finally caught the mooli chors.

Since that day, the mooli chors continued to pull out and eat moolis from the vegetable garden until the end of the winter season. Since they were no longer afraid that we would get mad at them for doing this, they were seen stealing in broad daylight in front of anyone and everyone and enjoying their moolis sitting in the lawn. Suggestions have been given to provide them with drinks and other salad items so their evenings can be made more enjoyable and fulfilling.

Alvin throwing off the top leaves and lower end before starting to eat his mooli

Shiro working on his mooli

About one week ago, the mooli season finished. Getting the last mooli from the garden ended up in a big wrestle match between my dad and Shiro. My dad won. I am sure it was probably in the wake of some new summer vegetable that Shiro has now set his eyes on. I wonder which one would it be this time. :)              
                                  

 

Shiro showing off his sense of pride and achievement after bringing a mooli for his older brother

This blog post has been written on a special request by Amrinder Singh Chawla and is being dedicated to the birthday girl celebrating her last teen year, Geet Chawla.

Why Marketing People Rock

Marketing Two-Upmanship

A retailer was dismayed when a competitor selling the same type of product opened next-door to him, displaying a large sign proclaiming "Best Deals".

Not long after he was horrified to find yet another competitor move in next-door, on the other side of his store. It's large sign was even more disturbing- "Lowest Prices".

After his initial panic, and concern that he would be driven out of business, he looked for a way to turn the situation to his marketing advantage. Finally, an idea came to him. Next day, he proudly unveiled a new and huge sign over his front door. It read, "Main Entrance"!

The Pope and KFC

A Marketing Consultant employed by KFC gained an audience with the Pope, and offered him a million dollars if he would change 'The Lord's Prayer' from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused the offer.

Two weeks later, the consultant offered the Pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the generous offer.

Another week later, the consultant offered the Pope 20 million dollars, and finally the Pope accepted.

The following day, the Pope briefed his staff. 

"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!''

Marketing Explained

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You go up to her and say, "Hi, I'm great in bed, how about it?"
That's Direct Marketing.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You give your friend a buck. She goes up and says "Hi, my friend over there is great in bed, how about it?"
That's Advertising.

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You somehow get her mobile number. You call and chat her up a while and then say "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Tele-Marketing.

You go to a party and see an attractive girl across the room. You recognize her. You walk up to her, refresh her memory and get her to laugh and giggle and then suggest, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Customer Relationship Management.

You go to a party and you see an attractive girl across the room. You stand straight, you talk soft and smooth, you open the door for the ladies, you smile like a dream, you set an aura around you playing the Mr. Gentleman and then you move up to the girl and say, "Hi, I am great in bed, how about it?"
That's Hard Selling. 

You go to a party, you see an attractive girl across the room. SHE COMES OVER and says, "Hi, I hear you're great in bed, how about it?"

Now THAT is the power of Branding. 

Third Way

The Optimist says, "The glass is half full."

The Pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

The Marketing Consultant says, "Your glass needs re-sizing."

Marketing Dictionary

Advanced design: The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

All new: Parts not interchangable with previous design.
Breakthrough: We finally figured out a way to sell it.
Broadcast quality: Gives a picture and produces noise.
Built to precision tolerances: We finally got it to fit together.
Customer service across the country: You can return it from most airports.
Designed simplicity: Manufacturer's cost cut to the bone.
Distinctive: A different shape and color than the others.
Direct sales only: Factory had big argument with distributor.
Field-tested: Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
Foolproof operation: No provision for adjustments.
Futuristic: No other reason why it looks the way it does.
Hand-crafted: Assembly machines operated without gloves on.
High accuracy: Unit on which all parts fit.
High reliability: We made it work long enough to ship it.
Years of development: We finally got one that works.
Improved: Didn't work the first time.
Latest aerospace technology: One of our techs was laid off by Boeing.
Meets all standards: Ours, not yours.
Microprocessor controlled: Does things we can't explain.
MIL-SPEC components: We got a good deal at a government auction.
New: Different color from previous design.
New generation: Old design failed, maybe this one will work.
Performance proven: Will operate through the warranty period.
Re-designed: Previous faults corrected, we hope.
Revolutionary: It's different from our competitors.
SMPTE bus compatible: When completed, will be shipped by Greyhound.
Unmatched: Almost as good as the competition.
Unprecedented performance: Nothing we ever had before worked this way.

Wilson Nails

Wilson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Wilson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with a tape."

A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Wilson. He puts a cassette in the video and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Wilson Nails, they'll hold anything."

Wilson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. I'll give you a second chance, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!"

Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Wilson with another tape. He puts it in the machine and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says 'Wilson Nails, they'll hold anything'.

Wilson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Listen, I'll give you a last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast."

A week passes and Wilson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them turns to camera and says 'If only we had used Wilson Nails!'.

The Marketer And The Programmer

A Marketer and a Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Marketer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. 

The Marketer just wants to sleep, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Programmer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a whole lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." 

Again, the Marketer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, and confident of his ability, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" 

This catches the Marketer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. 

The Programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Marketer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Programmer.

Now, it's the Marketer's turn. He asks the Programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends an e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail. 

After about an hour, he wakes the Marketer and hands him $50. The Marketer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Marketer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the Marketer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer $5, then turns away to get back to sleep.

The Marketer's Mercedes

The Marketing Manager had bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. 

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him. 

"What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. 

"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The Marketing Manager, used to finding the right words for any situation, thinks for a moment, then says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer. 

Marketing An Over-40 Barbie

Not long ago, Mattel's famous and much-loved doll, Barbie, turned 40. Creative Marketers have been working on the new possibilities...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead! With hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow! Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Cook's Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too: muu-muus are back! Cellulite cream and loofah sponge optional.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with this pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. Colors: pink, rose, blush.

6. No More Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken Jr. With minivan in robin's egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Midlife Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Bruce (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Comes with real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Single Mother Barbie. There's not much time for primping anymore! Ken's shacked up with the Swedish au pair in the Dream House and Barbie's across town with Babs and Ken Jr. in a fourth-floor walk-up. Barbie's selling off her old gowns and accessories to raise rent money. Complete garage sale kit included.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does 12 steps instead of dance steps! Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with little copy of The Big Book and six-pack of Diet Coke.

Who knows when Barbie will have outlived her usefulness? From Dream House to Nursing Home (both new and improved-wheelchair-accessible and retrofitted to conform to ADA code requirements), the possibilities (not to mention the accessories) are endless! 

Informed Choice

When a young marketer met his untimely end, he was informed that he had a choice about where he would spend his eternity: Heaven or Hell. He was allowed to visit both places, and then make his decision afterwards.

"I'll see Heaven first," said the marketer, and an angel led him through the gates on a private tour. Inside it was very peaceful and serene, and all the people there were playing harps and eating grapes. It looked very nice, but the marketer was not about to make a decision that could very well condemn him to so sedate an eternity.

"Can I see Hell now?" he asked. The angel pointed him to the elevator, and he went down to the Basement where he was greeted by one of Satan's loyal followers. For the next half hour, the marketer was led through a tour of what appeared to be the best night clubs he'd ever seen. People were partying loudly, and having a, if you'll pardon the expression, Hell of a time.

When the tour ended, he was sent back up where the angel asked him if he had reached a final decision.

"Yes, I have," he replied. "As great as Heaven looks and all, I have to admit that Hell was more of my kind of place. I've decided to spend my eternity down there."

The marketer was sent to hell, where he was immediately thrown into a cave and was chained to a wall, and he was subjected to various tortures. "When I came down here for the tour," he yelled with anger and pain, "I was shown a whole bunch of bars and parties and other great stuff! What happened?!"

The devil replied, "Oh, that! That was just the Marketing Presentation"

Courtesy: WebMarketingEzine.com - the human face of web marketing

Team Player Styles

Human beings are genetic team players. Since the beginning of our race, nature has taught us to hunt in groups, play in teams and live as tribes. There is no person on earth who is NOT a team player in one way or another. You could be a team member of a big corporate company, a sports league, an educational institution or just your own family or friend circle. What we don't realize is that even in our day to day affairs, we go about working as a team, from things such as bringing up a family, cooking in the kitchen, planning a birthday surprise for a loved one to the more obvious ones such as leading a project and giving that million dollar presentation at work. So, as a human, being a team player is ingrained in our DNA. But have you ever thought, what kind of a team player are you? Or let's put it this way: What is your primary style as a team player?

As per Parker, Glen, M. who worked on the New Competitive Business Strategy: Team players on Team work, there are four primary team-player styles - Contributor, Collaborator, Communicator and Challenger. Each style is characterized by a basic set of behaviors in an individual which contributes itself in its own unique way to the working of any group. At the same time, others perceive you based on these set of behaviors and identify your personality with certain descriptive adjectives. Let's take a brief look into what the four team player styles are and what set of behavior traits and attitudes get categorized in each style:

1. Contributor (Task)
The Contributor is a task-oriented team member who enjoys providing the team with good technical information and data, does his homework, and pushes the team to set high performance standards and to use their resources wisely. Most people see you as dependable, although they believe, at times, you don't see the big picture or the need for positive team climate.

People describe you as responsible, authoritative, reliable, proficient, and organized.

2. Collaborator (Goal)
The Collaborator is a goal-directed member who sees the vision, mission, goal of the team as paramount but is flexible and open to new ideas, willing to pitch in and work outside his or her defined role, and able to share the limelight with other team members. Most people see you as a big-picture person, but they believe, at times, that you may fail periodically to revisit the mission, to give enough attention to the basic team tasks, or to consider the individual needs of the other team members.

People describe you as forward-looking, goal directed, accommodating, flexible, and imaginative.

A typical example of a Collaborator Team Player

3. Communicator (Process)
The Communicator is a process-oriented member who is an effective listener and facilitator of involvement, conflict resolution, consensus building, feedback, and the building of an informal relaxed climate. Most people see you as a positive "people person", but they find that, at times, you may see process as an end in itself, may not confront other team team members, or may not give enough emphasis to completing task assignments and making progress toward team goals.

People describe you as supportive, considerate, relaxed, enthusiastic, and tactful.

4. Challenger (Question)
The Challenger is a member who questions the goals, methods, and even the ethics of the team, is willing to disagree with the leader or higher authority, and encourages the team to take well-conceived risks. Most people appreciate the value of your candor and openness, but they think, at times, you are self-righteous and try to push the team too far.

People describe you as honest, outspoken, principled, ethical, and adventurous. 

Some people might point out as one team player style as being better than the other but I personally believe that from a professional perspective, there is no right or wrong style. A person's preference towards people with a certain team player style is usually reflective of his/her own individual working style. However, it is very important that any team is a diverse mix of different types of people. Imagine, if your team was made up of a bunch of challengers. In such an environment, each person would be busy questioning the opinions, goals and intentions of the other team members and in the end, nothing would be achieved. At the same time, if we had a team full of collaborators, the lack of someone being able to question the status quo and an increased need for everyone to accommodate every other person's opinion might also lead to an ineffective team dynamics that may fail to reach its highest potential.

So, in order to ensure that your team is an effective one, you should strive to have members that come from diverse team player working styles. This wide representation will help you create a solid team that feeds on an every individual's strengths and as a group, cover up for every individual's weaknesses. As for the development of your own personal leadership, it is important that you are aware of your own primary team player working style so you are able to identify your blind spots and work on strengthening them when the opportunities arrive. The truth is that we all have the ability to become contributors, collaborators, communicators as well as challengers but in reality, we usually use just one style, our primary style, based on our innate nature. As we become more aware of our own selves, we can then work to create a balanced approach based on the need of the situation in order to become a more effective team member.

So, where do you think does your team or organization stand? And more importantly, where do you personally stand? If you are interested in finding out your own primary team player style or that of your team members, you can send me an email at contact@harneetchawla.com I will provide you with a simple 18 question survey that will help you get a true assessment and develop a profile of your and your teams' strengths and thus provide you a basis for a plan to discuss strategies to increase your and your team's effectiveness as individual team players. Good luck!

Businessman V/S Fisherman

A fine story dedicated to the workaholics who lose sight of the true priorities of life in the wake of ambition and money. Only if such people learnt true work-life balance and be satisfied with what they have, they would be leading a much happier life, day in and day out - a life full of peace and smiles.

Businessman V/S Fisherman

A businessman, on holiday in a African fishing village, watched a little fishing boat dock at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the businessman asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.

"Not very long." answered the fisherman.

"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the businessman.

The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The businessman asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.

The businessman ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here or maybe even in the United Kingdom, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the businessman.

"And after that?" asked the fisherman.

"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the businessman, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.

"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings having drinks with friends..."

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.


Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor’s cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.


Success is failure turned inside out–
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–
It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.


-Author Unknown
(A very old poem that I found in my teenage years' collection of stuff )

World Series Hockey Final

Today, on April 2^nd, 2012, exactly one year after the day India won the 2011 Cricket World Cup against Australia, the memories of the after-win frenzy are still fresh in my mind. I remember that soon after India won last year on April 2^nd, traffic jammed in a small city like Jalandhar at midnight, a time when usually not a single soul can be seen out on the streets on normal nights. I don’t think I can ever forget the team spirit I saw in people’s eyes that night. There was absolutely no way you could enter the city without taking some back road. There were literally thousands of cars parked on the streets with Indian flags being furled, music being played at ridiculous volumes, people cheering and shouting at the top of their lungs, live dholis going crazy amongst groups of college students and little kids standing and dancing their hearts out on the bonnets of their parents’ cars.

One year has gone by since that victory and people still get teary eyed as they switch on the TV and watch Mahendra Singh Dhoni recite the minute to minute memory of that day in a McDowell Premium Soda ad. And in all this craziness of the Cricket World Cup memories of April 2^nd, 2011 and the upcoming IPL cricket matches, most people don’t even realize that today also happens to be the final match of the World Series Hockey League. If you are someone who is reading this and wondering what the World Series Hockey is, welcome to the club of people who do not deserve to be called Indian.

World Series Hockey is an initiative of the Indian Hockey Federation to get the youth excited about hockey and reinstate this sport in India. It is a league concept similar to that of the IPL that drafts some of the best players from India and across the world. The World Series Hockey marked its first season with 8 franchisee-based teams on 29^th February, 2012 and will be ending today on April 2^nd, 2012 with its final match scheduled in Mumbai.  The 8 World Series Hockey teams are Bhopal Badshahs, Chandigarh Comets, Chennai Cheetahs, Delhi Wizards, Karnataka Lions, Mumbai Marines, Pune Strykers and my personal favorite (of course) Sher-E-Punjab. To learn more about the how the league works and get results of all past games played, you can visit the World Series Hockey website.

Coming from Jalandhar, a city that has been the birthplace and training mecca to some of the best Indian hockey players of the century, I have always had a special place in my heart for this sport. I have personally sat and watched several hockey training sessions when I used to go for my own swimming and waterpolo practices at Sports College, Jalandhar for several years. I can tell you from my experience that these hockey players were like nothing you have seen. Ours was a national level waterpolo team but as soon as we leaped out of the pool and went over to the hockey ground, nothing that we did with a huge ball in the water could compare to what these guys were doing with a tiny ball and a long stick on the field. I remember sometimes sitting there for hours watching the hockey players practice and telling myself that I was in the wrong sport. These guys were truly talented and their performance was totally international.

With my love for Jalandhar and everything it produces, including international hockey stars, it is obvious that I feel pity when I see people in this city especially youngsters having no interest in watching or following hockey. So, it wasn’t surprising to me at all when I tried to have a discussion about tonight’s final match with someone and they had absolutely no idea what the hell I was talking about. Not knowing what World Series Hockey is one thing, but what pained me even more was when I found out that most people weren’t even aware that the Indian Hockey team recently qualified for the upcoming London Olympics. Now, doesn’t that give you any less of a reason to celebrate than the Cricket team making it to the World Cup? And the worst part is that the youth of Jalandhar (a city that has lived for hockey since generations) who were beaming high during the Cricket World Cup win last year, did not even care to attend the World Series Hockey matches that were played in the city at the Surjit Singh International Hockey Stadium last month. Really sad and unfortunate! 

Although this season went pretty unnoticed, I still believe that the World Series Hockey League is a fantastic idea because it is only with time, awareness and the help of the right brand names, that hockey can find its true place in India. I truly appreciate Bridgestone coming ahead to the rescue by becoming the main sponsor of World Series Hockey League. Although, Vodafone and Seagram Blue also joined in as co-sponsors, this league is still far away from getting the kind of support that cricket receives in our country both in terms of fans and money. There are no Shahrukh Khans, Preity Zintas or Ambanis who want to own a hockey team, rather these teams are being financed by true sports enthusiasts such as the Chennai Sports Organizers Pvt. Ltd., Sporting Ace Pvt. Ltd. , and Sai Grace Sports & Events Pvt. Ltd. If you ever had the opportunity to see an ad on TV for World Series Hockey, there was no Shilpa Shetty dancing on full 5 minute specially created theme song, instead you see a pathetic Sunil Sheity, brand ambassador of the league, say two useless lines about joining him to watch the matches in a 10 second commercial (which I saw literally once in the entire league season). With such poor marketing and little financial or high brand support, World Hockey Series will continue to lag behind in gathering the fans in masses when compared to cricket. 

It’s sad that India, a country with a population of 1.21 billion, has forgotten that their national game is hockey and not cricket. It’s an unfortunate situation but not a hopeless one. I have really high hopes from our country’s hockey talent and I am keeping my fingers crossed for our Olympic team. I am sure a time will come when hockey will get its true appreciation amongst fans and sponsors alike, a time when people will learn to look beyond the superficial glamour quotient and take a deeper look into what these players are truly made of. With my hopes high to see hockey shining like a bright star in the sports arena of our country in the future, I look forward, for now, to see my Shers of Punjab smash the Pune Strykers tonight at 9 PM and bring the first World Hockey Series title to their homeground of Jalandhar. Prabhjot Singh and team - Chak De!

Sher-E-Punjab: Victory!
Pune Strykers: Peace out!